
Grief is how our bodies cope with loss. It can be the loss of a loved one, a friend, a job, a pet, or we can even grieve the loss of who we once were (e.g. after an illness). Grief is normal and is a healthy part of healing and experiencing a significant loss.
Here are several strategies you can use to help with the process of grief.
1) Acknowledge and validate your feelings
Many of us are not well attuned to our emotions/bodies, so grief may show up in other ways that are less obvious to you. Perhaps you notice that you have lost your appetite and interest in food recently. Maybe you've seen that sleep is harder to come by or you have lower energy and just want to just stay in bed. The most important first step is to recognize that you are grieving and to let yourself feel your sadness. There is no need to judge the feelings or pressure yourself to get over them quickly. They will take the time they take. You can't rush the process. Practice saying to yourself, "I'm really sad", and sit with that feeling. Also understand that you may have a range of feelings about the person or thing that you lost. It is perfectly normal and understandable that you may experience anger or regret and that there may be unresolved feelings that emerge during this process. All of this is OK; just let yourself feel whatever comes up. Don't analyze the feeling, just feel it and be gentle with yourself.
2 ) Tell people you are having a hard time
For many people, especially for those with low self esteem, it can be really difficult to let people in and ask for their support. It can feel like you are burdening people with your problems and you may worry about negatively affecting the vibe of your friend group (e.g. "People don't want sad people around"). A simple thought experiment is to imagine reversing places. Such that, if your close friend was experiencing grief, would you want them to suffer in silence and not "burden" you with their sadness? Of course not, you would want them to open up to you so that you could support them, even if it came at a cost to you.
3) Establish a routine
Creating a daily routine can offer stability amid grief. Familiar activities can help ground you and restore some sense of normalcy. This might include setting regular times for meals or exercise. Try slowly adding some gentle routines, like a few minutes of daily mediation or sitting with a tea by a window. Routines do not mean denying your grief; they help you honor your feelings while continuing with daily life. Be gentle with yourself and update your expectations for yourself. As you work through your grief, you will have less focus, energy and motivation; that is OK and normal. Expect your productivity to decline during this period.
4) Allow yourself to continue the connection
There are many ways that you can continue to maintain a connection to the person you lost. For example, you can put photos of them on your desk, you can wear their favorite sweater or hat, you can donate money to the charity they supported, you can plant a tree in their honour, you can play games they used to enjoy (board games, cards). You can continue to talk to them, even if you want to communicate frustration or anger towards them. When you are feeling sad, tell them you love them and miss them. All of these strategies will help you get in touch with your feelings and provide an avenue for them.